Divorce questions: The Art of Storytelling

Divorce can make you a pro at story telling. You will find yourself repeating:

“Do you want to know what he just did to me? Do you want to know what my ex just said to me? I can’t even believe he had the audacity to say that! I can’t even believe he just did that! I have had nothing but problems with him for the last decade, and I am so sick and tired of it, and I don’t even know what to do anymore. What do you think I should do? How do you think I should do it?”

Does that sound like a familiar conversation to you? Yeah… in the world of divorce we become artists, and we become masters at storytelling.

And I became a master too. I became a master at telling the story and repeating it over and over again to whoever would listen to it. You know why? Because I had no idea what I was doing, and I needed to hear someone’s opinions. I needed to know what people thought. And you know what the problem with that is? Is that I got so many varying opinions, coming from all different ends of the spectrum, that I became even more confused later than I was when I started off the story.

And you know what else it did? It left me in this looping saga of stories, and left me in this world of unknown, and left me in a world of not understanding what was going on because I was so focused on the story itself that I wasn’t focused on moving on with my life. I was so focused on telling the story to whoever would listen to it in hopes that I would find a solution. And you know what? I didn’t find a solution!

But I will tell you this, what I wasn’t able to do was that I wasn’t able to move forward with life. I wasn’t able to progress. You know why? Because I was living in yesterday all the time. I was living in the, “You know what he said? You know what he did? I can’t believe it and this and that.” And I would relive the stories over and over, and over again.

So, rather than moving forward with my life, I was always stuck in yesterday. I was always stuck in what he did and what he said. And instead of focusing on myself, I was focusing on him. Isn’t that crazy?

We try not to do that. We want to move forward with our lives but we stayed backwards. That is another common mistake and a common pattern that many parents in divorce fall into. You know why? Because we don’t know how to marry and we certainly don’t know how to divorce either.

And we focus all on our emotions and everything we think and we do is right is all based on our emotions. And you know what? Sometimes our emotions don’t tell us the truth of what we should be doing.

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