How to get a divorce without making mistakes:
I will start off by sharing my story and the painful lessons I had learned after having spent $80,000 in legal fees and stressed for a decade over complete nonsense. I was really wrong about my divorce from the very beginning. Honestly, I was so naive, I thought “He doesn’t get along with me. We’re just not meant to be together. Let’s just each go our separate ways. He goes his way, I go my way. We each have our own individual lives.” I honestly naively thought that divorce was just about that. Little did I know from one ambush after another, after another, after another, after another, for years to come, that the divorce really wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going be.
Why is divorce so hard?
It varies by people but for myself, I can honestly acknowledge that I didn’t even understand myself anymore. I didn’t understand who I’ve become. I didn’t understand what was going on. I was so uncertain. I thought I knew my reality. I thought I understood him. I thought I knew and could predict what was going to happen. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. It was only years later that I started to understand what divorce was really all about. And I started to understand that I needed to know myself better. I needed to know my boundaries. I needed to know what I wanted as much as what I didn’t want outside of the divorce. I had to understand myself better. I had to feel more empowered. I had to feel more assured. I needed to feel more supported. And that was one thing that was lacking for me from the very beginning.
Realities of divorce that I learned the hard way:
I always felt like I was alone, even though I was surrounded by my friends, and family, and everyone was giving me advice, I still felt alone. I still felt like people just don’t get me. They don’t understand me. They don’t understand the situation. Because whatever it is they were telling me in the outside world, is not what was happening in court and was not what was happening in real life. And I couldn’t understand why there was such a big discrepancy between the two- it makes no sense. It was only through many years of trial and error, and many years of going through the ups and downs of divorce, that I finally understood that I needed to become a stronger person. That I had become like this little animal hiding under a rock out of fear, out of frustration, out of overwhelm, out of worry, or that the worst case scenario was going to come. I literally lost myself. The confident, assured person that I was before was dwindled away to nothing for many years. And this is something that you also need to pay attention to – because it happens to everyone.