I Should NOT Have Divorced Without Coaches

My great realization: what I really needed was a divorce therapy worksheet, a step-by-step guide

When you’re going through a divorce, you’re going to have different issues coming up on a regular basis. One day it’s going be about you and feeling insecure or uncertain or unstable. Next day it’s going be about your kids. The week after it’s going be about a difficult ex. And the week after it’s going be crazy in laws. And there’s always going be something that’s going on, right? Divorce is really the time in your life where you’re supposed to be learning more skills and adapting to a new environment, learning new strategies, coping better, and it’s really about rediscovering yourself.

How to get through divorce?

It’s really about finding yourself again and how are you going to find yourself in a time where there’s always sort of like these ups and downs all the time? So one of the things that I had a hard time with, is that I said to myself “I can’t get myself a coach for every single different issue that comes up in my life.” And so a lot of the things and it deterred me from going to get a coach because a lot of the things that I needed help with was so varied that one particular coach was not able to help me in all the different areas.

Here is some amicable divorce advice that I learned the hard way:

I ended up resorting just to myself and my smartness, or lack of smartness, and what I thought was my ability to be able to cope and find answers. And I will tell you in a nutshell that I really made a lot of mistakes by doing that. I went the wrong route. I made really bad decisions thinking that I knew what to do and I knew what was best, and I knew what was right or wrong. And I’ll tell you that it was only after a whole load of trial and errors, and a whole load of going through these ups and downs and having the time to really focus on the mistakes and why they happened, and finding solutions to rectify those issues or those problems, it took me a really long time. And I had lost a very long time in just trying to figure things out. And I wish in hindsight that I didn’t have to go through that because I’m sure that if I didn’t go through that, I’m sure I wouldn’t have spent $80,000 in legal fees. And I’m more sure that I wouldn’t have had a whole lot more gray hair and stress and ended up in the hospital every single year with one stress or another. 

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